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Don’t say to yourself, “the man is the spiritual head, he should lead in this.” If he’s not leading, you take the lead.If he is leading, don’t wait for him to bring up an issue, do it yourself. ime to get ready for romance, to spend time together, to do mutually enjoyable activities together, and have sexual union.Each person is responsible for loving their spouse and building their marriage regardless how active the other person is. Drop activities and responsibilities, even spiritual ones, if necessary.For women this means preparing yourself mentally and physically for regular sexual union. For sex, this means allowing for three types of sex.And if you tell him if he’s a good boy you’ll try a few of the suggestions, you could probably get him to eat out of your hand and wait on you hand and foot! Christian couples often get lazy about developing their marriage relationship.Over time, other pursuits become more important, even godly ones.(1) The long, luxurious sexual adventures (if you have children, nights at a hotel or weekends away), (2) The normal 20 –30 minute encounter, and (3) what some call “quickies.” Because men normally want more frequent sex than women, you must find a happy medium and be willing to minister to your husband through occaisional quick sex at times when things are too busy to get prepared and take the time, but he’s hungry nevertheless! If you sow a lazy attitude towards marriage and sex, you’ll reap a lousy marriage.
Therefore you must be proactive in working at your marriage and sex life.Regularly communicate to him which of these are important to you and affirm him when he makes progress. He must become a student of what turns you on, so, over time, tell him in detail what excites you, where and how to kiss and touch you, how much pressure, etc, etc. “Hmmm, that’s nice, but like this is even better.”, rather than “Don’t do it like that…” Your goal is regular sexual satisfaction and frequent orgasms, not an orgasm every time. You must become a student of your husband’s sexual desires and turn-ons. If you have a problem with something, discuss it and agree to not do anything that either person is not comfortable with.It’s normal and fine for a woman not to feel the need to come to orgasm every time. He will probably be open to more creativity and variation than you. (Anything a husband and wife do together is good as long as it doesn’t harm physically, emotionally or mentally). The Christian books, Intimate Issues, by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, and The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner, have good studies on this.Yet your goal of sexual satisfaction and regular orgasms on your time terms will cement your relationsh! On the other hand, if you are uncomfortable with something, explore the reasons why and ask God to change you if necessary. The truth is oral sex is an incredibly exciting and wonderful sexual practice that most married couples enjoy including Christians. Neither be hard on yourself nor look down on others who don’t. Be proactive in learning about it and pray for God to change whatever is necessary in your mind (If your husband has an aversion to giving you oral sex, he should do the same thing).You will go a long way if, on occasion, you take turns asking this question: “Now, tell me exactly how I can please you tonight.” Or “Is there anything you would like me to do I haven’t done in a while or that would be a completely new thing? Related to #7, if you don’t develop a creative, free and uninhibited sex life, it’s guaranteed that it’s only a matter of time that your husband will get bored sexually and temptations will enter in. Again, let God in every area of your life and ask Him to help you since it’s usually (but not always) the woman who is more content to put up with a boring, predictable, same-old-thing sex life. If you can develop the practice of giving your husband regular doses of skillful oral sex, he will be thrilled to the core.