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“I was meeting girls on the basketball court, in the club, pulling my car over to meet them on the street,” Tony recalls.It took joining a Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous 12-step program for him to realize that he wasn’t alone. But my self-esteem was shot.”Most treatment programs are modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous, but rather than pushing cold-turkey abstinence, they advocate something called “sexual sobriety.” This can take different forms, but typically involves eradicating “unwanted sexual behavior,” whether that’s obsessive masturbation or sex with hookers.“I realized I was not comfortable in my own skin,” says Valerie, who checked herself into four months of treatment for sex addiction at Del Amo, a private behavioral-health hospital in Torrance, Calif.“My depression came from the fear I was going to be alone for the rest of my life.Valerie realized that sex was wrecking her life right around the time her second marriage disintegrated.

Severe depression can also follow after an addict starts to confront the condition.Take it from Tony, a 36-year-old from the affluent Westside of Los Angeles, who found his life thrown into turmoil by compulsive sexual behavior. “I would go into trancelike states, lose track of what I was doing socially, professionally, spiritually.I couldn’t stop.”He was ashamed of his tireless efforts to find women.“It’s a national epidemic,” says Steven Luff, coauthor of Pure Eyes: A Man’s Guide to Sexual Integrity and leader of the X3LA sexual-addiction recovery groups in Hollywood.Reliable figures for the number of diagnosed sex addicts are difficult to come by, but the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, an education and sex-addiction treatment organization, estimates that between 3 and 5 percent of the U. population—or more than 9 million people—could meet the criteria for addiction.

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